I just wanted to check in and let you all know that I’m feeling so blessed for all the love I received on my birthday, and especially through the death of my father.
I woke up on the morning of July 1 to a cloudy, gray day. And honestly, it matched my emotional state perfectly.
Lots of tears.
I missed my dad SO much — my first birthday without him. It was gut wrenching, heartbreaking... sad.
As I've been doing since he died, I let myself feel what I needed to feel. After a bit, I pulled myself together and got my kids ready for the day — then off to their classes we went.
On my drive home from dropping them off, I saw the sun breaking through the clouds. Before I knew it, the day was absolutely stunning! The sky was crystal blue and the air was so nice and warm.
In my heart, I knew it was an obvious sign from dad. He wanted me to enjoy my day and made sure it was gorgeous weather.
My amazing husband Sean planned the most spectacular birthday for me. He knows how much I love daytime parties, great music, margaritas, and dancing.
Plus, he knew exactly what I needed after everything I've been through — to let loose, dance, and be carefree with my closest friends and family. And that’s exactly what I did.
The funny thing is that I even got thrown into the pool and didn't care 🙂 I just went with it and had a blast, haha!
Little things like wet hair don't seem to bug me anymore.
Beyond my beautiful party, I wanted to share some things I've recently realized:
- Grief will be present, no matter the situation. Even the happiest of times doesn’t ease grief, but I’m at peace that both can coexist with each other.
- My husband and babies give me so much strength, but at the same time I’ve become much more sensitive and emotional. I'm okay with this, as I feel things so much more and know this is extremely important.
- I truly cherish beautiful moments.
- I cry easily at happy things... and at sad things too.
- I’m touched so deeply by people’s love and support towards me.
- I feel so grateful just to wake up in the morning and be able to breathe.
- I'm extra conscious of my energy and where it is placed.
- I’m allowing myself to feel every emotion, whenever I want to.
- I am focused on nourishing my mind, body, soul, and heart.
While it's true I'm still dealing with a lot of pain, I’m also so grateful and thankful for my life. But most of all, I'm excited about the year ahead and to grow as a woman, wife, and mother. In doing so, I can become the best possible version of myself.
“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” - Shauna Niequist