When you meet someone and begin dating, it's thrilling. Here stands before you a human with which you have a connection, are attracted to, and can maybe even picture your future with. As we all know, this is the infatuation stage to some extent.
As time goes on, our personal stories and baggage can creep into the picture. Our feelings can get hurt, we can be triggered by our experiences with past lovers and parents, and conflict will most likely occur.
In order to better understand the dynamics that are going on between couples, there is a growing field of research into relationships that is offering a science-based look into what makes couples strong and what pulls them apart.
So far, their research has revealed that it all boils down to three extremely important concepts:
#1 - Empathy
In order for a couple to thrive, they must have empathy for what they have both gone through in life. This means being willing to look deeply at the things that have broken each other's hearts and caused personal pain from our childhoods and as we've grown.
For example, if one of the partners had a horrific childhood and the other had it relatively easy. The only way the duo will find a true, deep, and lasting connection is if they are both able to come to terms with how their childhoods were different and their experiences equally important.
It's quite common for someone who has been deeply wounded by their childhood to trivialize the challenges that their partner with a less traumatic childhood had. Likewise, it may be overwhelming for the partner that had an "easier" childhood to help their partner navigate through the challenges that come with learning to trust and be open in a relationship.
The secret to overcoming these challenges is to put all judgement aside and start from scratch together. This takes trust and the willingness to become the ultimate team. It means listening and wanting the best for the other.
If there is no empathy, there will be no relationship.
#2 - Positivity
We all need positive influences in our lives to thrive, and this is especially true of our partners. We need an advocate who lifts us up rather than tearing us down.
According to Carrie Cole, director of research for the Gottman Institute, "Emotional disengagement can easily happen in any relationship when couples are not doing things that create positivity... when that happens, people feel like they're just moving further and further apart until they don't even know each other anymore."
We must be happy for our partners and encourage them to be happy, or the results can be devastating for all parties involved. Lack of positivity often results in affairs, mental breakdowns, and anguish.
#3 - Strong Emotional Connection
Yes, we may be drawn to a partner at first because there is chemistry, but couples thrive when there is a strong emotional connection. There's a reason why relationships built primarily on sex and physical chemistry tend to fail. Most human beings crave emotional connection, and if you're spending your life with a stranger, it's not going to last.
If you find your relationship floundering because the emotional connection is suffering, it's important to sit down and talk to your partner. Dare to find common ground together and rediscover why you fell in love.
Couple's counseling can also open the door to amazing things in your relationship.
Last Words
If you'd like to learn more about the science of relationships, Time published a great piece about it. The secret to success for us all is to open our hearts and allow positivity in. We can all be more sympathetic, positive, and open to deeper connection.
